Adoption - Attachment

Adopting an Older Child

Attachment

By: Krystal W. Abbott

Have you adopted a child older than the age of 2 years old?  Is it a challenge or what?? The attachment issue is surely one you will be confronted with. Having adopted an 8 year old little boy, we are in the throws of navigating through our own attachment issues. "Reactive attachment disorder (RAD) is the proper psychological term, and is generally diagnosed in situations where the child has experienced caregiving that is poor, chaotic, abusive, and inconsistent, and where the child has had multiple caregivers." Parenting Your Adopted Older Child, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., Oakland, CA, 2002, p. 15. Some of the behaviors we have identified in our situation are: "[s]uperficially charming actions;" "[i]nability to link cause and effect;" "[a]ttempts to control all situations, sometimes by manipulation, sometimes by aggression," "[l]ow impulse control," and "[a]ffection toward strangers."

There are several ways to overcome the attachment challenge depending upon your individual situation. One thing that is a definite MUST regardless of what attachment problems you are experiencing is WEEKLY therapy for the child and therapy as needed for adoptive family members. There is no excuse for not doing it; and it is critical for the sanity of the family and the resolution of the adoptive child’s attachment issues. Most adopted older children were in foster care through the state in which they live. The state will cover therapy expenses until the child is 18 years old and possibly beyond the age of majority. Just find a therapist close to where you live who accepts Medicaid. The social worker facilitating your adoption can be very helpful in assisting you in locating a conveniently located therapist prior to the finalization of the adoption. The entire family can see the same therapist as needed at the state’s expense as the purpose for the treatment is all related to the adoption. My adopted son is 10 years old now, so the challenges still exist. Two years may seem like a long time, but it is DEFINITELY NOT. Have patience and a lot of it because it is going to be a long and frustrating road between now and achieving the goal of having a well adjusted adopted older child.